I like a double tab lyra. I feel uncomfortable on a single tab. But I'm trying. Each time I learn a move, I think about how scary it might be on single tab. If not too scary, I try it. So that move I posted a video of before, from man in the moon, I tried the other day on single tab. And I heard my teacher say, I see you using the single tab, and I'm so proud of you.
Wow. Yea, it doesn't take much. I appreciated that so much.
Showing posts with label moods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moods. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 19, 2020
Friday, November 22, 2019
Sideways Sads
Silks was rough again. But it shouldn't be. Let me explain.
I was kicking ass. It was my third day in a row of an aerial class, so I should have been a bit on the tired side. I didn't feel that; I felt great.
I did the best straddle of my life. I'm still catching my foot but not as heavily. And I am finally getting that stack. My problem in the past has been my legs don't get parallel to the floor, which makes my bottom heavy, and I fall back down out of the straddle. I've been working on this without much success. I'll straddle so I can see myself in the mirror, and I'll see that my legs are sort of angled up toward to ceiling but getting them parallel is hard. I'm slowly getting them down. But I know I'm also hunched over. When I try to stack, somehow my body sends a signal to my legs to straighten out, thus sending them back toward the ceiling again. And I fall out of the straddle. So I've been trying to stack with just my upper back. I think to myself, tits out. And it worked last night. My thighs weren't squeezed together. My legs were parallel. And my back was mostly stacked straight. It felt awesome.
I wish I'd gotten a picture.
Then ball flows. I recently graduated to a single wrist wrap and felt very comfortable with that. Yay, no more double wrist wraps. But then last night, I tried no wrist wrap, and it was awesome. All three rounds of ball flows, no wrist wraps, super solid in my grip. The teacher saw one of them and exclaimed how great I looked.
But then...sideways middle. My teacher thought that perhaps, since I was able to get it on lyra, it would finally start clicking on silks. Not.even.close. I don't know how people do it. I won't say I'll never get it. But I don't think I'll get it until I have a flawless from-the-air straddle inversion. And that's not happening anytime soon. Maybe a year? Who fucking knows.
So that got me down, and I was trying not to cry. The teacher came over for one last move and asked whether I wanted single footlock series or leg wrap. Definitely leg wrap. Then she had us go to man in the moon. I remember early on really hating this move because the wraps hurt my ankle. Not last night. It was pretty perfect. Of course, I got no video.
Yes, overall, I should be looking at last night as a success. But I can't seem to shake the sads from damned sideways middle.
I was kicking ass. It was my third day in a row of an aerial class, so I should have been a bit on the tired side. I didn't feel that; I felt great.
I did the best straddle of my life. I'm still catching my foot but not as heavily. And I am finally getting that stack. My problem in the past has been my legs don't get parallel to the floor, which makes my bottom heavy, and I fall back down out of the straddle. I've been working on this without much success. I'll straddle so I can see myself in the mirror, and I'll see that my legs are sort of angled up toward to ceiling but getting them parallel is hard. I'm slowly getting them down. But I know I'm also hunched over. When I try to stack, somehow my body sends a signal to my legs to straighten out, thus sending them back toward the ceiling again. And I fall out of the straddle. So I've been trying to stack with just my upper back. I think to myself, tits out. And it worked last night. My thighs weren't squeezed together. My legs were parallel. And my back was mostly stacked straight. It felt awesome.
I wish I'd gotten a picture.
Then ball flows. I recently graduated to a single wrist wrap and felt very comfortable with that. Yay, no more double wrist wraps. But then last night, I tried no wrist wrap, and it was awesome. All three rounds of ball flows, no wrist wraps, super solid in my grip. The teacher saw one of them and exclaimed how great I looked.
But then...sideways middle. My teacher thought that perhaps, since I was able to get it on lyra, it would finally start clicking on silks. Not.even.close. I don't know how people do it. I won't say I'll never get it. But I don't think I'll get it until I have a flawless from-the-air straddle inversion. And that's not happening anytime soon. Maybe a year? Who fucking knows.
So that got me down, and I was trying not to cry. The teacher came over for one last move and asked whether I wanted single footlock series or leg wrap. Definitely leg wrap. Then she had us go to man in the moon. I remember early on really hating this move because the wraps hurt my ankle. Not last night. It was pretty perfect. Of course, I got no video.
Yes, overall, I should be looking at last night as a success. But I can't seem to shake the sads from damned sideways middle.
Wednesday, November 6, 2019
Get Strong or Die Trying
It's time to step up my aerial training. My studio hosts an aerial festival every April, with lots of workshops in aerials, acrobatics, flexibility. I've missed the last two years because the workshops selected were beyond my skill level. (Well, the workshops that interested me, anyway.)
Next year (2020) is very different. There's a beginner hammock workshop. I'm dying to train hammock. But the classes my studio currently offers are beyond my skill level (they require an inversion from the air). But a beginner workshop? That's my jam.
Also, there's a lyra spinning workshop. I love spinning. I love transitioning between moves while spinning. So this is right up my alley.
Here's the catch. These workshops are hosted over three days, Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Three days in a row of aerial classes. Not only that, but I want to take TWO workshops. So, back to back aerial classes, three days in a row? I'm not sure my body is conditioned for that.
It's time to work on it. This past Sunday, I took my usual lyra intermediate class. Followed by silks. Oy. It was ROUGH. But I hung in there, I was quite proud of myself. I thought I'd bail after the main conditioning portion of class, but I didn't. I may have only done four of the six straddle inversions. Shh, don't tell the teacher. But I did all my other reps.
In addition to once a week double classes training, I want to start training three classes over three days. I tried it once a few weeks ago. By that third day, I was pooped. Back to it. I'll give myself a rest day or two after Sunday double classes, then do a single class but three days in a row.
I'm gonna get so strong or die trying.
Next year (2020) is very different. There's a beginner hammock workshop. I'm dying to train hammock. But the classes my studio currently offers are beyond my skill level (they require an inversion from the air). But a beginner workshop? That's my jam.
Also, there's a lyra spinning workshop. I love spinning. I love transitioning between moves while spinning. So this is right up my alley.
Here's the catch. These workshops are hosted over three days, Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Three days in a row of aerial classes. Not only that, but I want to take TWO workshops. So, back to back aerial classes, three days in a row? I'm not sure my body is conditioned for that.
It's time to work on it. This past Sunday, I took my usual lyra intermediate class. Followed by silks. Oy. It was ROUGH. But I hung in there, I was quite proud of myself. I thought I'd bail after the main conditioning portion of class, but I didn't. I may have only done four of the six straddle inversions. Shh, don't tell the teacher. But I did all my other reps.
In addition to once a week double classes training, I want to start training three classes over three days. I tried it once a few weeks ago. By that third day, I was pooped. Back to it. I'll give myself a rest day or two after Sunday double classes, then do a single class but three days in a row.
I'm gonna get so strong or die trying.
Monday, January 21, 2019
Done
I have made a decision.
After two years of lyra, I'm taking a break. One might call it quitting. Go ahead. I just...can't do it anymore.
I can't invert. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being in a sport where I can't do the basics. Everyone else can. My teacher claims it took her "forever" too. A year and a half, I think she said. It's been two years. And I'm not even close. Not.even.close. It's not going to happen.
I thought maybe I could ignore it, do what I was good at, just enjoy what I was good at. But new moves are becoming problematic. Why take private lessons if I'm not going to at least be learning something new sometimes? And I'm sick of the studio offering fun workshops that I can't take all because I can't fucking invert. I left my last private lesson so discouraged. My teacher tried to teach me single leg pullover. What the what? I can't even do a normal pullover with both legs. I knew this would be epic...epic failure. And it was. So we went back to pullover. And that was a failure. I'm tired of failing. My body just won't do an inversion. It just won't. And I'm done. For now.
I dunno, maybe one day I'll miss it so badly, I'll want to come back. But for now, I'm done.
After two years of lyra, I'm taking a break. One might call it quitting. Go ahead. I just...can't do it anymore.
I can't invert. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being in a sport where I can't do the basics. Everyone else can. My teacher claims it took her "forever" too. A year and a half, I think she said. It's been two years. And I'm not even close. Not.even.close. It's not going to happen.
I thought maybe I could ignore it, do what I was good at, just enjoy what I was good at. But new moves are becoming problematic. Why take private lessons if I'm not going to at least be learning something new sometimes? And I'm sick of the studio offering fun workshops that I can't take all because I can't fucking invert. I left my last private lesson so discouraged. My teacher tried to teach me single leg pullover. What the what? I can't even do a normal pullover with both legs. I knew this would be epic...epic failure. And it was. So we went back to pullover. And that was a failure. I'm tired of failing. My body just won't do an inversion. It just won't. And I'm done. For now.
I dunno, maybe one day I'll miss it so badly, I'll want to come back. But for now, I'm done.
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Flag
Again, not much was going well for me at lyra last night. Performance prep took the hoop I was planning to use, my favorite. So I was left with a much higher, much bigger hoop (38"). I have short limbs, which makes the 38" awkward. And I found out another student I know promoted. Every student I know or have been friendly with has promoted in a year or less. I guess aerials IS easy. I'm just the dud for whom it's hard.
One thing went a bit well. Flag. I've seen this move done differently online with an overhand grip, but this is how my studio teaches it and thus, this is how I practice it. It's the first time I've been able to drop without touching the ground. A few more successful tries with the low hoop, and I'll be ready to try this on a regular hoop.
One thing went a bit well. Flag. I've seen this move done differently online with an overhand grip, but this is how my studio teaches it and thus, this is how I practice it. It's the first time I've been able to drop without touching the ground. A few more successful tries with the low hoop, and I'll be ready to try this on a regular hoop.
Saturday, March 3, 2018
Idea
Quickie post re lyra. I had a FAB session today! Didn't take any video cuz this teen was in her first silks class, her father was there in the "waiting" room. And this studio is so small, the couch is just a couple feet from my lyra, so I kinda felt on display. Was he watching me every moment? Naaaa. But I do feel like he was watching me a bit. Along with his other teen daughter sitting with him. It just made me feel a bit uncomfortable.
But I had a genius idea how to structure my practices. Instead of just a long list of moves to practice...mount, do a move, dismount...I broke them up into 4-5 move mini sequences. Hit nearly the whole list of moves I'm working on lately. I felt so strong and fluid moving around the hoop. Now it's nap time...
But I had a genius idea how to structure my practices. Instead of just a long list of moves to practice...mount, do a move, dismount...I broke them up into 4-5 move mini sequences. Hit nearly the whole list of moves I'm working on lately. I felt so strong and fluid moving around the hoop. Now it's nap time...
Thursday, March 1, 2018
Praise
Does it ever get old? I say no! I'm so far out of danger of ever getting a big head. Hearing little bits of praise is just lovely. My teacher told me I had strong legs and also pointed out I have a strong core. I'd heard this from my derby coach, too. I'm like, how can you tell someone has a strong core? I certainly can't tell if mine is strong. But it was nice to hear.
We worked on a gamut of difficult stuff mixed with some easier stuff. I'm getting better at crossing my legs in ball inversion (under the hoop). I learned ball basically from silks. So no "lyra feet" necessary. Now I'm having to retrain my body to cross my feet in order to fit under the hoop.
Ball to the top felt better, higher. I still have to massively catch my foot. But the negative ball tucks are helping. Just keep practicing.
We worked on a gamut of difficult stuff mixed with some easier stuff. I'm getting better at crossing my legs in ball inversion (under the hoop). I learned ball basically from silks. So no "lyra feet" necessary. Now I'm having to retrain my body to cross my feet in order to fit under the hoop.
Ball to the top felt better, higher. I still have to massively catch my foot. But the negative ball tucks are helping. Just keep practicing.
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Off Camera
I've had quite the rough week. No aerials. Saturday was so warm, I hooped outside. I felt amazing. I took video. Like, this is awesome, my skills are awesome, this video I get to watch will be awesome. And I'll post it to my blog.
I watched it. I didn't like what I saw.
Nope. Ugh. I was disgusted with both my skills and my body. It plagued me all week. So...until I can watch myself without thinking dark thoughts, I'll just stick to hooping off camera. It should matter most how it feels. Logically, I know this. The heart isn't always logical.
I watched it. I didn't like what I saw.
Nope. Ugh. I was disgusted with both my skills and my body. It plagued me all week. So...until I can watch myself without thinking dark thoughts, I'll just stick to hooping off camera. It should matter most how it feels. Logically, I know this. The heart isn't always logical.
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Oops
Yesterday was full of bad emotions, melancholy, catastrophic thinking. And I think I know why. Unfortunately, due to uncontrollable circumstances (i.e., I'm an idiot), I only got in two runs this past week. I have learned, painfully, that I need at least three. Four might only be needed during shark week. Five is not necessary. But three is the minimum.
So...I did a run today. And some hooping, shoulder breaks/paddles drills. And some L-sits with my pullup bar. Take that, depression!
So...I did a run today. And some hooping, shoulder breaks/paddles drills. And some L-sits with my pullup bar. Take that, depression!
Saturday, January 27, 2018
How was practice?
Gonna start ranking my lyra sessions, on an emotional scale.
- Worst ever. Want to quit altogether. Nothing, and I mean nothing, went well.
- Bad session, not much went well, but can acknowledge that it's just one bad practice.
- Neither good nor bad, just a workout.
- Good session, lots went well, feeling decent about my skills.
- Best session ever! I ♥ Lyra!
Thursday, January 25, 2018
Friday, January 19, 2018
Do the Thing
I do love me some caviar. Wish me luck, y'all. I'm heading to the atrium tomorrow for more hooping in public! It's really the only way to get over my fear. oy
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Tribe
I've met many friendlies at my aerial studio. Friendlies is a word I came up with in therapy. The English language doesn't seem to have a word for someone who's not quite a friend but not quite an acquaintance, either. I meet a lot of people who are friendly with me. And a lot of pain in my life has come because I assumed they were friends.
I hear a lot of folks at my studio refer to the people as their tribe. Thus far, I haven't felt that. There is no tribe for me. But maybe one day. So far, no one has been able to handle even my lightest dark moments. They immediately shut me down with something pollyanna positive. It's typical of most humans. Most people cannot handle the dark. I live in it. So I know they couldn't really handle my truth.
I hear a lot of folks at my studio refer to the people as their tribe. Thus far, I haven't felt that. There is no tribe for me. But maybe one day. So far, no one has been able to handle even my lightest dark moments. They immediately shut me down with something pollyanna positive. It's typical of most humans. Most people cannot handle the dark. I live in it. So I know they couldn't really handle my truth.
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Thursday, December 14, 2017
Leg Wrap
Yea...I shouldn't have gone to silks tonight. Was a disaster. First, gridlock stressing me out, making me almost late. Then leg wrap. Goddamn leg wrap. I got seriously stuck and no one could really help and I just needed it off my foot so I started panicking and crying. I calmed myself in the bathroom after. But the damage had been done. I have been suspecting PMS onset for the last day or so, I really shouldn't have gone. Plus that time slot. I'm so over the traffic at that time.
New rule. No 5:45pm class. And no bothering with silks when I'm PMS'ing. fer fucks sake...
New rule. No 5:45pm class. And no bothering with silks when I'm PMS'ing. fer fucks sake...
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Visual Consumption Diet
My best friend says not to be ashamed of my emotions. It's actions that matter. So unless I'm sabotaging their hoops....lulz
I have body image issues. And performance issues (hello, derby and now lyra). And comparison issues. I have issues. I hate the phrase, I can't help it. I feel like I should be able to. Like, why can't I just be happy for these people and be patient and hopeful that it'll happen for me, too? But I can't. Or I'm not. Something.
I'm going on a visual consumption diet. I'm unfollowing certain facebook friends and instagram feeds that trigger ANY sort of negative thinking in me. Childish? Petty? Lame? Could be. But until I can stop being sad seeing so many people promote to intermediate lyra in a ridiculously short amount of time, while I'm still so far behind...so fucking far behind...I'm cutting out any and all potential heart hurty things.
I have body image issues. And performance issues (hello, derby and now lyra). And comparison issues. I have issues. I hate the phrase, I can't help it. I feel like I should be able to. Like, why can't I just be happy for these people and be patient and hopeful that it'll happen for me, too? But I can't. Or I'm not. Something.
I'm going on a visual consumption diet. I'm unfollowing certain facebook friends and instagram feeds that trigger ANY sort of negative thinking in me. Childish? Petty? Lame? Could be. But until I can stop being sad seeing so many people promote to intermediate lyra in a ridiculously short amount of time, while I'm still so far behind...so fucking far behind...I'm cutting out any and all potential heart hurty things.
Wednesday, December 6, 2017
Russian Climb
So...I still love/hate silks. I thought two weeks off would help. Class always starts off great, though. I really enjoy the strength stuff in the warmup. Climbs. Hipkeys. Ball flows. Straddle...not straddle. Straddle can eat shit and die. Footlocks from the air. All stuff that makes me feel amazingly strong.
I was too slow with my climbs last night, apparently. The teacher asked if I had finished. I still had one more each side. She asked if I minded moving on, acted like it was the best news ever, that no one would ever mind skipping out on climbs. I minded. I wanted to do them more. But I bit my lip. I didn't want to be a nuisance.
Then we moved onto poses. I hate every pose. I feel fat, ugly, awkward, clumsy...sometimes I'm in pain. Sometimes too much pain. I hate everything about every pose. Except standing lean. And you fucking learn that in your first fucking class. Well, letting go comes later. I like letting go. And maybe sail. Sail looks pretty, if I can keep my locked leg straight. But nothing else I've learned looks or feels good.
I wonder if I can email the teacher. Ask her if it's OK to just extend my warmup during class. When students are doing three hipkeys each side, maybe I'll do five. Or six. She wouldn't need to babysit me. These are all safe things, don't need guidance. I just want to feel strong.
I got video of russian climbs. Yes, I'm liking these more. I'm still split on whether I like them more than basic. It's a toss-up.
Hipkeys were terrible. I need to work on these more.
And I got video of footlock in the air. Well, sort of from the air. I'm standing on the ground. I eventually want to climb once, then try a footlock.
I also tried single footlock from the air. Mainly because the teacher wanted us to do sequencing. uhh, no. Can I just work on footlocks instead? She suggested single footlock from the air, since I'd never tried it before. This requires hanging by each fabric in each hand. I slip. I needed a wrist wrap for that. Maybe I can extend my warmup conditioning, straight arm hanging and lockoffs without wrist wraps.
So...by the end of the night, I weren't doing too good. Mentally. I have a motto...don't cry until you get to the car. I was emotional but held together. I was gathering my stuff, putting on my shoes, when a student I'd shared classes with many times arrived for the next class. She turns to me and says, we've never been properly introduced and held out her hand. I nearly lost it. Such a nice gesture from someone, nearly did me in. I hope I get a chance to take classes with her again.
I was too slow with my climbs last night, apparently. The teacher asked if I had finished. I still had one more each side. She asked if I minded moving on, acted like it was the best news ever, that no one would ever mind skipping out on climbs. I minded. I wanted to do them more. But I bit my lip. I didn't want to be a nuisance.
Then we moved onto poses. I hate every pose. I feel fat, ugly, awkward, clumsy...sometimes I'm in pain. Sometimes too much pain. I hate everything about every pose. Except standing lean. And you fucking learn that in your first fucking class. Well, letting go comes later. I like letting go. And maybe sail. Sail looks pretty, if I can keep my locked leg straight. But nothing else I've learned looks or feels good.
I wonder if I can email the teacher. Ask her if it's OK to just extend my warmup during class. When students are doing three hipkeys each side, maybe I'll do five. Or six. She wouldn't need to babysit me. These are all safe things, don't need guidance. I just want to feel strong.
I got video of russian climbs. Yes, I'm liking these more. I'm still split on whether I like them more than basic. It's a toss-up.
Hipkeys were terrible. I need to work on these more.
And I got video of footlock in the air. Well, sort of from the air. I'm standing on the ground. I eventually want to climb once, then try a footlock.
I also tried single footlock from the air. Mainly because the teacher wanted us to do sequencing. uhh, no. Can I just work on footlocks instead? She suggested single footlock from the air, since I'd never tried it before. This requires hanging by each fabric in each hand. I slip. I needed a wrist wrap for that. Maybe I can extend my warmup conditioning, straight arm hanging and lockoffs without wrist wraps.
So...by the end of the night, I weren't doing too good. Mentally. I have a motto...don't cry until you get to the car. I was emotional but held together. I was gathering my stuff, putting on my shoes, when a student I'd shared classes with many times arrived for the next class. She turns to me and says, we've never been properly introduced and held out her hand. I nearly lost it. Such a nice gesture from someone, nearly did me in. I hope I get a chance to take classes with her again.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Pretty, not so much
Silks didn't go so well last night. I mean, it started out fun. As usual. My climbs are ever improving. Hipkeys. I even tried a straddle without the knot. It was ugly but doable. I tried basic footlocks from the air, starting to get these.
Then we moved onto poses. I just feel like I'm not meant for much pretty in silks. I'm not flexible enough for most positions. And my chunky body doesn't appreciate the fabric wrapping around tightly. I have certain levels of pain tolerance. Certain types of pain I'll endure more than others.
Poses that are a joke for me. Arabesque...there's this funky, flamenco grip to get into this. And it hurts my shoulders. I got into it once then had NO idea how to get out. I just stepped down. No other attempt worked. Then man in the moon. To get into this requires double leg wrap, plus a half wrap. And by the time I get to seated, the fabric is cutting off circulation at my ankle. Flamingo arabesque, the fabric squeezes my thighs so much, it burns.
My teacher could tell I was down. I was trying not to cry, trying not to look like I was throwing a tantrum, trying not to be a nuisance. We had free time at the end for working on what we wanted. I chose more basic footlocks from the air. It seems I'm only having fun with silks when I'm working on strength stuff. When I try to look pretty, it blows up in my face. So maybe next time...not sure when there will BE a next time...I'll ask the teacher if I can just extend the warmup. Work on climbs, hipkeys, and footlocks in the air. Maybe work on one new pose. Maybe.
Then we moved onto poses. I just feel like I'm not meant for much pretty in silks. I'm not flexible enough for most positions. And my chunky body doesn't appreciate the fabric wrapping around tightly. I have certain levels of pain tolerance. Certain types of pain I'll endure more than others.
Poses that are a joke for me. Arabesque...there's this funky, flamenco grip to get into this. And it hurts my shoulders. I got into it once then had NO idea how to get out. I just stepped down. No other attempt worked. Then man in the moon. To get into this requires double leg wrap, plus a half wrap. And by the time I get to seated, the fabric is cutting off circulation at my ankle. Flamingo arabesque, the fabric squeezes my thighs so much, it burns.
My teacher could tell I was down. I was trying not to cry, trying not to look like I was throwing a tantrum, trying not to be a nuisance. We had free time at the end for working on what we wanted. I chose more basic footlocks from the air. It seems I'm only having fun with silks when I'm working on strength stuff. When I try to look pretty, it blows up in my face. So maybe next time...not sure when there will BE a next time...I'll ask the teacher if I can just extend the warmup. Work on climbs, hipkeys, and footlocks in the air. Maybe work on one new pose. Maybe.
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Epiphany
OK, so it's taken me a lot of years to discover the one thing that has helped my depression more than anything, more than even antidepressants. And that's exercise. Hear me out. It's one very specific type of exercise. Not just any will do. And years ago, before I embraced my current active lifestyle, when therapists would tell me to exercise, "it helps depression!", I would want to punch them in the face. I believe any sufferer has to come to the realization on their own, that exercise helps. No amount of well-meaning suggestions from others is gonna help. It might just get you a punch in the face.
The exercise I do is running intervals. And I finally have a theory as to why this particular exercise works when nothing else does. I believe it's about getting my heartrate up high, but briefly, then being allowed to catch my breath, doing that a handful of times, for a short workout duration. Derby NEVER helped my depression, and those were 2-3 hours of high heartrate exercise. I've done hour long aerobics sessions, those don't help. A long walk doesn't work. It's got to get my heartrate way up but not be too strenuous.
I've even played around with the number of intervals. I've settled on five. I've tried three intervals, eight, ten. Five seems to be the minimum, for maximum results. More doesn't really result in better. Less doesn't work as well.
The thing is, I've had this theory about this specific exercise for over a year now. And yet...I quit running intervals in August. I was really trying to kick start weight loss. Again. And wanted to do long, incline walks to burn more calories. I'm talking an incline of like 8-10%. For an hour, hour and a half, depending on the show or movie I was watching on my laptop. (A laptop on a treadmill is a godsend.)
So I was walking, not running, in Sep/Oct. Remember September? I do. I had the biggest lyra meltdown. I nearly quit. I had emailed my teacher, cancel my private track please. She thankfully asked for feedback in a way that suggested she wasn't judging my decision or even the why. And through talking to her, I calmed down, got off the ledge, so to speak. I didn't quit. But it was dark in my brain for awhile there.
I've since started back with the running intervals, the last week in October, so it's been about four weeks now. And my mood has dramatically improved/stabilized. Wowzers!
But it hit me. Just last night. The reason my depression was getting so much worse...I wasn't doing my running intervals. It's not steady state running. Fuck that noise. I run for 1min. By the time I really start hating the running, it's time to walk. I walk for 2mins. By the time I've just caught my breath, it's time to start running again. Repeat 5x.
Granted, when I FIRST started running intervals, it was in 2013 with derby and C25K. I wasn't even able to run for a full minute. I built to that. Then, I kept getting stuck in the C25K program around week 4/5. Until I just decided to do my own intervals and not worry about increasing my running time. Instead, I increase the speed when it's starting to feel too easy. I started running at 4.5mph, I have short legs. I'm now running at 6mph. I was blogging back then and started noticing a pattern when I was running regularly vs my moods. Magic data.
I'm going to mention this to my lyra teacher at our next lesson. I don't think she holds any judgment against me for September. But I want to let her know my epiphany. Now I know. Now I REALLY know. I will have to run forever. I've found 3-4x/week is sufficient. More doesn't seem to give more. Twice a week, not so much. It's like taking medicine.
And in September, I went off my meds...
The exercise I do is running intervals. And I finally have a theory as to why this particular exercise works when nothing else does. I believe it's about getting my heartrate up high, but briefly, then being allowed to catch my breath, doing that a handful of times, for a short workout duration. Derby NEVER helped my depression, and those were 2-3 hours of high heartrate exercise. I've done hour long aerobics sessions, those don't help. A long walk doesn't work. It's got to get my heartrate way up but not be too strenuous.
I've even played around with the number of intervals. I've settled on five. I've tried three intervals, eight, ten. Five seems to be the minimum, for maximum results. More doesn't really result in better. Less doesn't work as well.
The thing is, I've had this theory about this specific exercise for over a year now. And yet...I quit running intervals in August. I was really trying to kick start weight loss. Again. And wanted to do long, incline walks to burn more calories. I'm talking an incline of like 8-10%. For an hour, hour and a half, depending on the show or movie I was watching on my laptop. (A laptop on a treadmill is a godsend.)
So I was walking, not running, in Sep/Oct. Remember September? I do. I had the biggest lyra meltdown. I nearly quit. I had emailed my teacher, cancel my private track please. She thankfully asked for feedback in a way that suggested she wasn't judging my decision or even the why. And through talking to her, I calmed down, got off the ledge, so to speak. I didn't quit. But it was dark in my brain for awhile there.
I've since started back with the running intervals, the last week in October, so it's been about four weeks now. And my mood has dramatically improved/stabilized. Wowzers!
But it hit me. Just last night. The reason my depression was getting so much worse...I wasn't doing my running intervals. It's not steady state running. Fuck that noise. I run for 1min. By the time I really start hating the running, it's time to walk. I walk for 2mins. By the time I've just caught my breath, it's time to start running again. Repeat 5x.
Granted, when I FIRST started running intervals, it was in 2013 with derby and C25K. I wasn't even able to run for a full minute. I built to that. Then, I kept getting stuck in the C25K program around week 4/5. Until I just decided to do my own intervals and not worry about increasing my running time. Instead, I increase the speed when it's starting to feel too easy. I started running at 4.5mph, I have short legs. I'm now running at 6mph. I was blogging back then and started noticing a pattern when I was running regularly vs my moods. Magic data.
I'm going to mention this to my lyra teacher at our next lesson. I don't think she holds any judgment against me for September. But I want to let her know my epiphany. Now I know. Now I REALLY know. I will have to run forever. I've found 3-4x/week is sufficient. More doesn't seem to give more. Twice a week, not so much. It's like taking medicine.
And in September, I went off my meds...
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Sail Away
Silks was rough last night. Everything seemed hard, but I don't think I can blame my period. Not due for PMS for another week.
My teacher wanted me to try ball with no wrist wrap. I only got to single wrist wrap last time. And I could not do this. My grip is not strong enough without assistance on those little bits of fabric. I hate silks grip. Hipkeys were tough. I'm so over straddle on silks.
Oh, and I take it back about russian climb. I don't like it. It's awkward to climb to the top, THEN you have to switch back to basic climb position to come down. I cannot hold on while I figure out some complicated reset of my feet. Nope.
Pose last night with silks wrapping around my thigh. I could NOT get enough slack to do this without more pain than my threshold could bear. And I endure a lot of pain for this sport. The teacher kept demo'ing. I'd get even more slack than she, and still my thighs are too big to get this. That flamingo arabesque pose, but she wanted my hips square, not open.
Not to mention, some of these beginner silks poses aren't all that pretty to me. There, I said it.
And silks just glaringly highlights everything I'm not good at. I'm not flexible. I'm not strong. I'm not thin.
I just...don't like silks. I'm bummed to have to say it. But I don't. I'm doing this because just doing lyra wasn't working well enough. I'm hoping this cross-training with silks helps. But damn, I wish it would go ahead and help already so I could quit silks. Once I get my lyra inversions, I'm dropping silks like a hot potato.
This pose is pretty, though. If way simple.
My teacher wanted me to try ball with no wrist wrap. I only got to single wrist wrap last time. And I could not do this. My grip is not strong enough without assistance on those little bits of fabric. I hate silks grip. Hipkeys were tough. I'm so over straddle on silks.
Oh, and I take it back about russian climb. I don't like it. It's awkward to climb to the top, THEN you have to switch back to basic climb position to come down. I cannot hold on while I figure out some complicated reset of my feet. Nope.
Pose last night with silks wrapping around my thigh. I could NOT get enough slack to do this without more pain than my threshold could bear. And I endure a lot of pain for this sport. The teacher kept demo'ing. I'd get even more slack than she, and still my thighs are too big to get this. That flamingo arabesque pose, but she wanted my hips square, not open.
Not to mention, some of these beginner silks poses aren't all that pretty to me. There, I said it.
And silks just glaringly highlights everything I'm not good at. I'm not flexible. I'm not strong. I'm not thin.
I just...don't like silks. I'm bummed to have to say it. But I don't. I'm doing this because just doing lyra wasn't working well enough. I'm hoping this cross-training with silks helps. But damn, I wish it would go ahead and help already so I could quit silks. Once I get my lyra inversions, I'm dropping silks like a hot potato.
This pose is pretty, though. If way simple.
