New Skills

Got outside to hoop today. I have the week off from work. I can't think of a better way to spend my time, after I've had my coffee, on my day off.

Arm tuck ins. Is that what they're called? Anyway, my 32" twins, these don't work so well. But works like a charm with my 37" polypros. Actually quite fun. Quite the cardio, too.

Been working on this move a while, too. It looks so simple, but it's more like, what sorcery is this? The timing must be spot on...or I hit the hoop and down it goes.

Is it fall yet? I'm so tired of how sweaty I get hooping. My body gets slick, my hoop gets slick. And forget flow. My hoop dance doesn't look at all decent unless I've choreographed something.

Derby Assessments

So I got a message on Thursday afternoon from coach...you gonna be at practice tonight? Let's do assessments. Excuse me while I throw up. I suppose it's best to only panic and stress about it for an afternoon instead of days or weeks.

It was tough. All the skills in one evening. I only started to come unglued toward the end, big sister took care of things and got me back in it. The results? It's complicated. I needed an average score of 3.0 to pass. I did that, I scored 3.28. But (there's always a but) there were 12 skills I scored less than 3 on, so coach wants me to redo them before it's official.

So I passed...but I didn't pass. Yet.

Power Jam

I absolutely did not want to go to practice last night. Nope. But I couldn't think of anything better to do. That's where my life is right now. Yep. So I went. I can't say it was earth shattering. I came close a couple times to losing it but managed to keep my cool, my breathing in check, my thoughts at bay.

Scrimmage again. I haven't passed assessments but whatever, right? One highlight, I saw a really good jammer coming, thought to myself, here goes nothing. I pushed my booty to the outside, tried to grab onto a teammate for leverage, out of the corner of my eye saw her fall out of bounds. I looked at her, she looked at me, it was a still moment of what the hell do I do now? She got up, I'm thinking, OK she needs to come in behind me, but before I could even mentally articulate whether I should pull the bitch move of skating backwards, she got onto the track and kept skating. huh? I'm so lost. Until I hear coach call her name, CUT! She cut the track on me. She thought I had gone out of bounds. To be honest, I was pretty sure I hadn't, but what the hell do I know? Yet. He said nope, not even close, I was in. Woot! Power Jam!

And then I fell on someone's skate wheel, like literally sat on it hard. I'm waiting for a delicious bruise to manifest on my ass. I'll be highly disappointed if it doesn't. I can't quite sit right on my left butt cheek. The only way that's worth it is if I get some badass bruise. Really, I skate derby for the bruises and to touch women. Oh, and it's quite exhilarating to be on skates. I miss ice, but any skate will do. Apparently.

Polypro

I have discovered, the hard way, that I am a polypro hooper. I hesitated to buy polypro because every description I read about them seemed to imply they were for super advanced hoopers who wanted lightning fast response. I am not lightning fast. Probably will never be. Slower, lyrical hooping is more my style.

However, HDPE feels squishy to me. Especially when I'm outside in the heat. It bounces, doesn't feel as firm to its shape. So I bit the bullet and bought a dance polypro 37". In fact, I bought two...because. In shimmery pink and metallic gold. (I have so many hoops now, not allowed to buy any more hoops for a long while. BUT I shouldn't need to now. *wink*)

Do they make me magically perfect? Well no but sort of. I'm already that much better. When I break, it responds much faster than the HDPE.

Lead Jammer

Sunday practices are tough. I remember when I was a newbie years ago; two hour practices about killed me. Even at the beginning of rec league days, spring 2015, I struggled. Needed lots of breaks, couldn't hang, was just a hot mess and out of shape. I may not be at goal weight yet, but my stamina has greatly improved. To the point where two hour practices are good. I can push myself the entire time.

Except now I'm in a league that practices three hours on Sundays. Stamina not there. Yesterday was my best and longest lasting performance, though. I took a couple really short breaks, like a couple minutes, one to inhale a banana when I was starting to feel that sick, hot stomach, pukey feeling. I knew no amount of water was going to rehydrate me. But I hesitate to bring gatorade because reasons. And then a little while later, needed another short break, hovering near the trash can, wasn't sure I could keep lunch down, and needed my helmet off. My head was so hot. But I kept those breaks super short (for me) and got right back out there. I didn't sit out any drills, including scrimmage.

Coach came over to tell me we were about to scrimmage. I replied, "Oh so I get to watch then." I was a bit relieved, that was while I was hovering near the trash bin. He said, I think you should try, you've been doing everything else, I feel confident in your skills. Yikes! I was a shit show, of course. All new derby skaters suck, is what I tell myself. But I was out there. We didn't have enough skaters to rotate, so all five of us on my "team" were out there every jam.

One of the jams, I was jammer. I've been told twice now I'm good at finding holes, a bit jukey. However, I don't seem to quite know what to do with the hole once I find it. I never get through. Feedback has been use my toe stops more and lead with my shoulder. I got through once last night. I saw nothing but white jerseys in front of me, I grabbed one girl's hips and whipped around, and there I was on an empty piece of the track to skate around. I had also gotten lead. By default, really. The other jammer did a panty pass, so she couldn't be lead. And coach told me to call off the jam. Well dammit, I just got through!

Mood

It's been a shittastic week. I doubt my mood could've been much worse going into practice last night. No direction to go but up. And that's what it did. No moments of panic or negatron voice at all. Lots of endurance and contact drills. I welcomed the feedback I got without despair. And I left practice in a much better mood. I still have no idea when I'll get to take assessments. I suppose I'll be that much more prepared the more contact drills I take part in. At least, that's my hope.

Bright spot of practice. Four wall drill with jammer, working on skills to get through and to block. I was jammer. I somehow managed to find a hole and kept digging it bigger with my hips. I got through, but they kept after me, as well they should. I was spinning and doing a lot of backward skating but made it through. And one of the skaters hi-fived me, telling me that was awesome.

Feedback Overload

Another rough practice. I just got into feedback overload. When all the critique is coming at me left and right, and it's all about what I'm doing wrong, and especially when some of it is what I was actively trying to do. I guess it's not apparent I was trying to do just that. THAT is frustrating to hear. And then working on a drill with three skaters, and all three start giving you feedback, it becomes this nightmare where all the voices start overlapping, and my head explodes. I told them I needed a minute and went to cry in the bathroom.

I could find one bright spot, only one. Scrimmage type drills, the jammer was getting through, I was the last defense against it. I had a good angle on her, but I knew I didn't have the speed. All of a sudden, a teammate from behind shoved me into her. Because I was low and in position, the extra surge of speed, I hit her at just the right angle. So that was fun.

Derby IS fun. I know my face probably makes everyone think otherwise. But what they don't understand is how HARD is it to be the worst, all the goddamn time. I come every practice, knowing I'll be the worst. It's been about four years of this. It takes a toll on you, mentally. I know I'm the worst. I don't need to be the best. I'm trying. But it's hard being the worst.