Another rough practice. I just got into feedback overload. When all the critique is coming at me left and right, and it's all about what I'm doing wrong, and especially when some of it is what I was actively trying to do. I guess it's not apparent I was trying to do just that. THAT is frustrating to hear. And then working on a drill with three skaters, and all three start giving you feedback, it becomes this nightmare where all the voices start overlapping, and my head explodes. I told them I needed a minute and went to cry in the bathroom.
I could find one bright spot, only one. Scrimmage type drills, the jammer was getting through, I was the last defense against it. I had a good angle on her, but I knew I didn't have the speed. All of a sudden, a teammate from behind shoved me into her. Because I was low and in position, the extra surge of speed, I hit her at just the right angle. So that was fun.
Derby IS fun. I know my face probably makes everyone think otherwise. But what they don't understand is how HARD is it to be the worst, all the goddamn time. I come every practice, knowing I'll be the worst. It's been about four years of this. It takes a toll on you, mentally. I know I'm the worst. I don't need to be the best. I'm trying. But it's hard being the worst.
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