My First Bout

Well that escalated quickly...I went from wanting to walk away to passing assessments to...bouting? Yep. The team was short. A last minute addition to the roster. A quick trip to the craft store for iron on numbers onto a green top that is sorta similar in color to the team's jersey. Wipe down of my wheels. Emergency kit with skate tool, gatorade, and extra duct tape. Car cleaned out (away game).

OMG! It was so fun. So.Much.Fun. I kept waiting for nerves. Had a few butterflies, but nothing bad, overall I was just giddy. Had to get up at 5am. oy. Got to the rink by 9am. Warm up at 10am. Just before the warm up, the captain pulled me aside for the best derby pep talk. She said, "so if we lose today..." And I replied, "it's my fault?" Yea, that's me attempting to be funny. She said, it is NOT your fault. Then she told me we win as a team, we lose as a team. That I'm gonna get yelled at. It's nothing about me. It's that they're out of breath, and that's the only possible volume. She knows I'm ready. She wanted me to pass assessments on Thursday so I could bout on Saturday.

My first jam was about the fourth or fifth. I remember thinking for a quick moment, this is my first jam ever, remember this. Then the whistle blew, and I don't remember much after that. A jam or two later, I do remember getting a nice hit to the opposing jammer, hitting her out. But I fell down. That's about the only highlight I can really remember.

It was just fun though. I couldn't have cared less about anyone watching me. Didn't feel embarrassed falling. We lost, though. 150 to 141. So close. We had it at the end, got the lead, but not for long. As someone said, "we won for a minute." Yep. And I didn't get sent to the penalty box once. Mostly because I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

I have a team now. I'm a bouting skater. I'm no longer that girl, the girl who can't pass assessments. People can come see me bout now. Cuz I learned something really important: I can't think about who's watching me when I bout. It's all about the game. And where's the fucking jammer?

Minimum Skills Status: Achieved

I passed assessments/minimum skills. Finally! It's been an awful week, just awful. Too many emotions and tears. I was almost ready to walk away. Thankfully coach convinced me to stay. Last night, I was told by a skater that they don't tell me enough how awesome I am. That their perception is I'll do something amazing that blows their minds, then in the next jam, make a minor mistake and get all mired down in it. I guess that's true. But I think it's just four years of wanting to pass min skills...it gets to me.

My identity for four years has been the girl who couldn't pass min skills. Not sure what my identity will be going forward. Hopefully badass blocker.

Last night's highlights:

• Skater who's amazeballs jammer. Legit just plows through, no stopping her or bracing for her. We were holding her fairly well for a bit, despite that. I even heard myself grunting. That's sexy.
• I tried jamming again. Yes, I'm stupid. I sort of ALMOST slid around with that cool mohawk move, but I wasn't fast enough before someone slowed me down enough for everyone to reform around me. It warranted a fist bump from the ref. Sweet. I don't want to be a jammer, so I'm just not going to worry about my skills as jammer. But that mohawk move is pretty sweet. There's a skater who does it superb, like a signature move type thing.
• I was told I'm wanted, that I'm NEEDED. And that they fully expect me to be bouting with them next season. It was as if someone whispered in all their ears, be nice to Roxy and fluff up her ego. I could use a good fluffer.