Sideways Sads

Silks was rough again. But it shouldn't be. Let me explain.

I was kicking ass. It was my third day in a row of an aerial class, so I should have been a bit on the tired side. I didn't feel that; I felt great.

I did the best straddle of my life. I'm still catching my foot but not as heavily. And I am finally getting that stack. My problem in the past has been my legs don't get parallel to the floor, which makes my bottom heavy, and I fall back down out of the straddle. I've been working on this without much success. I'll straddle so I can see myself in the mirror, and I'll see that my legs are sort of angled up toward to ceiling but getting them parallel is hard. I'm slowly getting them down. But I know I'm also hunched over. When I try to stack, somehow my body sends a signal to my legs to straighten out, thus sending them back toward the ceiling again. And I fall out of the straddle. So I've been trying to stack with just my upper back. I think to myself, tits out. And it worked last night. My thighs weren't squeezed together. My legs were parallel. And my back was mostly stacked straight. It felt awesome.

I wish I'd gotten a picture.

Then ball flows. I recently graduated to a single wrist wrap and felt very comfortable with that. Yay, no more double wrist wraps. But then last night, I tried no wrist wrap, and it was awesome. All three rounds of ball flows, no wrist wraps, super solid in my grip. The teacher saw one of them and exclaimed how great I looked.

But then...sideways middle. My teacher thought that perhaps, since I was able to get it on lyra, it would finally start clicking on silks. Not.even.close. I don't know how people do it. I won't say I'll never get it. But I don't think I'll get it until I have a flawless from-the-air straddle inversion. And that's not happening anytime soon. Maybe a year? Who fucking knows.

So that got me down, and I was trying not to cry. The teacher came over for one last move and asked whether I wanted single footlock series or leg wrap. Definitely leg wrap. Then she had us go to man in the moon. I remember early on really hating this move because the wraps hurt my ankle. Not last night. It was pretty perfect. Of course, I got no video.

Yes, overall, I should be looking at last night as a success. But I can't seem to shake the sads from damned sideways middle.

Emma Sits

I had a rough silks class the other night. Well, let me rephrase: I had a move go very, very wrong, which almost ended up ruining my night, but then the teacher helped me end on a positive note.

The dreaded move was half scorpion. I got very stuck and very panicky, and the teacher basically had to extract me from the silks of death.

I wanted to be done for the night when the teacher suggested emma sits. I quite like emma sits. I got it on video. My double footlocks are looking rather smooth. And exiting has gotten a lot better, too.

Clothesline

This move used to terrify me on silks. There are two versions, one with the silks split and then one with a single pole. I've never let go on either. Especially not with a single pole.

But then I learned clothesline on lyra in intermediate classes. And man, I fell in love with this move. My teacher says lyra is just my spirit apparatus. It's true. But the confidence I had from lyra translated yesterday to silks. And just look at me!

Get Strong or Die Trying

It's time to step up my aerial training. My studio hosts an aerial festival every April, with lots of workshops in aerials, acrobatics, flexibility. I've missed the last two years because the workshops selected were beyond my skill level. (Well, the workshops that interested me, anyway.)

Next year (2020) is very different. There's a beginner hammock workshop. I'm dying to train hammock. But the classes my studio currently offers are beyond my skill level (they require an inversion from the air). But a beginner workshop? That's my jam.

Also, there's a lyra spinning workshop. I love spinning. I love transitioning between moves while spinning. So this is right up my alley.

Here's the catch. These workshops are hosted over three days, Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Three days in a row of aerial classes. Not only that, but I want to take TWO workshops. So, back to back aerial classes, three days in a row? I'm not sure my body is conditioned for that.

It's time to work on it. This past Sunday, I took my usual lyra intermediate class. Followed by silks. Oy. It was ROUGH. But I hung in there, I was quite proud of myself. I thought I'd bail after the main conditioning portion of class, but I didn't. I may have only done four of the six straddle inversions. Shh, don't tell the teacher. But I did all my other reps. 

In addition to once a week double classes training, I want to start training three classes over three days. I tried it once a few weeks ago. By that third day, I was pooped. Back to it. I'll give myself a rest day or two after Sunday double classes, then do a single class but three days in a row.

I'm gonna get so strong or die trying.

Nemesis no longer

So much to be proud of. Last week was a rough week. I did so well, but this one move wasn't happening. And of course, I was fixated on that rather than all the things I was doing well. All last week, I could not get this move. Inside out splits. All unit, I knew it would be trouble. I've learned it before in private track. And it failed just as badly back then, too. I was the only student both classes last week that couldn't get it. It was difficult not to cry. But I don't like to cry in front of people.

Sunday kicks off a new week but still review of inside out splits. My first round was as expected...big fat nope. Then the students started learning a new exit from that move. I figured I would just try one more time to get the basic move, and I got it! It wasn't pretty, but I got it. So I wasn't ready for that new exit, I just focused on the move. This was on a 38" single tab, though.

Then class last night, after the review of the move, I figured I might be ready for the new exit. My first try went OK, teacher spotting and holding the hoop in place. My second try did not go well. I fell too fast through the skin the cats and landed on my knee in the hoop. But hey, I'm learning. I watched a few better students and saw that they tucked their booty back to center themselves under the hoop for stability before descending into skin the cats. I think that might've been my problem. I wasn't centered; my booty was too heavy and pulled me down.

So it's weighing on my mind that if I can only do this move on a single tab, I'll need to do the whole advancement sequence on a single tab. I don't like some of the moves on single. I don't want to have to learn them. I tried flamenco arabesque on the low single tab we were using in class. Nope. nope nope nope.

I then decide to try inside out splits on the 35" double tab hoop, the famous low hoop (it's always low). I didn't have much hope. I need a bigger hoop to fit. I was trying to drive my hands to flip the hoop back a bit, but it became an effort in comedy as the hoop would be in the right position for a moment, but as soon as I moved my foot to fit, the hoop would fall back. Rinse and repeat a few times. So I re-gripped my hands, slid my top leg as far over as I could, and really tried to hold the hoop back, and I got my foot in. At this point, I was used to inside out splits on a single tab so my top foot was flailing a bit, searching for the strap that wasn't there, when I remembered it's on the other side in a double tab. Then I tucked my booty and slowly descended via skin the cats. It was great!

I just wish I'd gotten it on video. When I'm really focused and concentrating, I don't like to bother with video.

Here's the only picture I've gotten of it, from Sunday, on the big single tab.

best class ever

I had the most fantastic class last night. I just want to document it. It started like any other intermediate class. Killer warmup. I'm trying to increase my reps on everything along with the teacher, but I just can't do as many as she says to do. That's OK. I'm still increasing.

Then toe hangs. These are just stagnant. They don't feel like they're improving. My teacher said not to get discouraged, they're not required for advancement, she hates them too.

Review of scorpion back balance to the top. I had a moment where I thought, I should get up on the higher hoop to work this one. But I didn't. I stayed with the low hoop simply because it's easier to mount. And I'm lazy.

Onto bird's nest from a single tab. I know how to do this. But the big hoop wasn't lowered this time. On Sunday, I was panicky trying this. I stumbled into ball and actually fell back down into straight arm hang. Because the hoop was so high, I needed to momentum back to seated rather than just let go and drop down. Then I got back into ball and did the pose, with the teacher holding onto the hoop for me. I didn't attempt a second one.

Except last night, ball went fairly well, and I did both sides of bird's nest, with the teacher holding on. We were meant to do 2x each side. So when it was my turn again, the teacher started to get up to come over to help. I told her I wanted to try on my own. And I did it! Breakthrough! I mounted, got into ball, did the pose, even stretched a bit further into the backbend. My face was staring down at the floor...it's a long way down...but I did it!

Next up was bird's nest from double tab. Lately, when I invert to ball from the top, I've been banging my left ankle bone. It's not pleasant. But not last night.

Final pose was leg block splits. This was one of the last things my former teacher taught me back when I was private track. I hated them because I kept hitting my shins on the bar. Sunday was no different. It was getting annoying how everytime I attempted it, I hit my shins.

Not last night! I did 3 each side and not once did I hit my shins. Now I need to work on a better descent. Only once could I come back to full seated properly. Something to work on.

As I was checking out, I said to my teacher, "I feel like I did really good tonight." I almost never have that feeling. The teachers always say, generically, good job, but this time, I believed it. She replied, "you seemed to break through some walls tonight." Let's hope that continues...

Scary Thing!

It is October, after all.

Intermediate lyra classes are going....great! Some of it is very tough. I still can't do some things. But overall, I'm proud of myself for sticking with it, this time.

There have even been a few new moves for me, that I never learned in my years in private track. This one in particular scared me. I usually go to class twice a week, so I tried this on Sunday. On a low hoop. But it was a bit too small for the move. 35" diameter is just too small for my body.

I knew last night, I was going to have to attempt this on the bigger 38" hoop that was mounted much higher. The air is different up there, the same move is much more scary.

But I did it! This is from my second attempt. My first attempt, I was super terrified, heart pounding. I think the teacher kept her hand on the hoop the whole time to stabilize it for me. The second time, it was less so, which gave me confidence. I just need to keep working on it.

Clock Splits

I've restarted intermediate classes. This unit is the splits unit. ugh. My splits aren't very good.

Singles

Another first! I've never been great at single hip hang splits (some studios might call it jackknife). I dunno if I'm just more flexible now or what, but I finally got it...kind of. This move has always been scary on a higher hoop so that's why I'm on the low hoop. It gives the illusion of a flat split, eh?

And then single knee cinch from the top, all variations of this are my favorite. 

I have a badass single knee cinch.

Profile Ankle Hang

I had written this move off, ages ago. I never thought I'd get it. Check me out!

My teacher thinks it's because of all the flexibility training I've been doing, strengthening my square hips. She's probably not wrong.

Flexibility

In addition to my silks and lyra training, I've been taking flexibility. Now, I'm not bendy. Have never been, even as a child when most little girls can do the splits, I couldn't. And I'm not impressed with my progress photos. So I don't take them often. In fact, these two photos were taken by my teacher, insisting she saw progress. Yes, I have a bad attitude, but I just don't see anything to get excited about. I do try to focus on how it feels because if I focused on progress, I'd quit.

Puppy! This one feels nice.
I need to work on bringing my butt back to get my knees at 90 degrees.

Splits. She claimed I was near flat. I'm barely resting my hands on a tall yoga block. 

I wouldn't call that near flat. It's just an optical illusion.

Let's roll

Aly is an amazing teacher. She always tries so hard to think of some new, interesting move or transition to keep things spicy for me in fundamentals class.

But I have news! I've been itching to take intermediate classes again. Guess I'm just a glutten for punishment. I emailed the main lyra program manager about it, thinking she'd say I needed to wait. She didn't. She said she was fine with me returning. I have to wait until the next unit, which starts in mid-August. But yayness! I'm back in intermediate. Let's hope I can control the negative thoughts and comparisons this time.

Back in the Saddle

I've returned to lyra. I've been back to a few classes now, fundamentals, obvs. I haven't bothered to take pictures or video, until last night. I'm noticing improvement in profile ankle hang from when I used to train this move. I'm working on staying square (it's so hard with these open-ass hips).

And frankly, this just looks like I'm riding an upside down saddle. Yeehaw!

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

Finally!

I have seen these moves done by students and wanted desperately to learn. But I had no idea what name my studio calls them. I've seen the left one online called mermaid. But of course, we don't call it that. We call it saildance. And its cousin on the right: music box. Both require an insane amount of strength. They're deceptive in appearance. They look easier than they are. And with music box, you're meant to circle around the silks once or twice. I only got a half turn and was done. But I can build on that!
And I for sure need to work on my single footlock from the air, so I can get higher. I'm so close to the ground because I did my footlock from the mat.

Splits!

I've been working on flexibility for a couple years now. Slowest process ever! But hey, they look nearly flat. And the teacher praised me, saying my hips were so squared.

Return to silks

I've returned to silks. I took about 6 weeks off and restarted silks in early March. Been trying to build back my strength, and silks is the best way to do that. And I'm looking pretty!

Done

I have made a decision.

After two years of lyra, I'm taking a break. One might call it quitting. Go ahead. I just...can't do it anymore.

I can't invert. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being in a sport where I can't do the basics. Everyone else can. My teacher claims it took her "forever" too. A year and a half, I think she said. It's been two years. And I'm not even close. Not.even.close. It's not going to happen.

I thought maybe I could ignore it, do what I was good at, just enjoy what I was good at. But new moves are becoming problematic. Why take private lessons if I'm not going to at least be learning something new sometimes? And I'm sick of the studio offering fun workshops that I can't take all because I can't fucking invert. I left my last private lesson so discouraged. My teacher tried to teach me single leg pullover. What the what? I can't even do a normal pullover with both legs. I knew this would be epic...epic failure. And it was. So we went back to pullover. And that was a failure. I'm tired of failing. My body just won't do an inversion. It just won't. And I'm done. For now.

I dunno, maybe one day I'll miss it so badly, I'll want to come back. But for now, I'm done.