Derby practice was rough last night. I'm focusing on the bad. I know I do this. Knowing I do this does not usually help me to stop. The ONE drill I was looking forward to...and by looking forward to, I mean need to work on because I suck...was timing drills with blocking. Coming at another skater at an angle to "take her space." But I was struggling and then saw everyone else not struggling and then started panicking that I wasn't doing it right and then got yelled at that I was skating away from the block when it wasn't my turn but when it was my turn, I needed to anticipate the skater and I didn't know how to do that and I knew I wasn't doing it well and something was off and I just needed to break it down further and nobody understood what I was going through...and I just needed a minute. So they skipped me. I tried watching them do it, thinking we would work on this a lot. But then they wrapped up the drill, and that was that...no more working on block timing.
le sigh
I'm never going to get this if I can't practice it often. I can't practice it on my own very well. And everyone else is just so much better at it that I get stuck in my head. I'm constantly worrying about locking wheels or not doing it right. Everyone just thinks I'm ridiculous. Or they don't think of me at all. Nobody understands.
I'm never going to be good enough to scrimmage. I need to find a way to be OK with this. To just enjoy being on skates and working on skills.
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