Sunday's derby practice did not go well. I didn't post about it because I legit couldn't find anything good to say. I entertained thoughts of quitting again, wishing I were brave enough to quit. You'd think quitting would be the easy part. Not for me. It's terrifying. But when placing my grocery order this week, I put an 18 pack of gatorade into my cart. I think that's my subconscious mind deciding not to quit. No point in having that much gatorade if not for three-hour Sunday practices.
Last night, some skaters met to do an informal practice. I have a lot of redos for assessments, I needed to work on them. I told a skater I had 12 redos, and her response was accurate. "Fuck me, 12?!" Yup.
Overall, last night went well. I still don't think I'm good enough to pass on some skills, although I did see a glimmer of improvement by the end of the night. Yes, I'm obsessed with the "test" and passing the test. You would be too if that dark cloud had been hanging out over your head for four years. Or you might not. You're not me.
Big sister is amazing, like a jedi knight against anxiety. I never can remember just what it is she says to me when I feel the panic rising, but she shuts it down every time. It's almost like, "nope, we're not going to have anxiety about that right now." I really want to show her that her time spent with me is worth it. She gave up her evening last night to help me. And that means a lot to me.
Practice tonight. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll have good things to report.
No comments:
Post a Comment