Here's the thing, when I watch derby, it LOOKS fun. And I had fun at my first bout, legit fun. At the holiday bout, I mostly had fun. I wish I'd played better. But I had fun overall.
Did I have fun yesterday at our invitational? No. Not really. Thursday's meltdown was still plaguing me. I was ashamed to show my face, to put skates on. At least neither coach made any attempt to get me to take that stupid jammer panty.
I skated terribly in the first game. Game 2 was co-ed, so I sat out. I FEEL like I skated better, with more intensity, in game 3. I took some hard falls, some at the hands of my teammates. It happens. If I can do anything, it's fall without hurting myself.
It's taking considerable effort to focus on the positives of yesterday's invitational. I can think of two. Both from game 3.
I do remember one particular moment, their jammer had just gotten through, so I turned around looking for my jammer. Here she comes. I locked shoulders with an opponent, attempting to hold her off so my jammer could get through. I was aware enough to stagger my legs, use my back leg toe stop to slow us down but not stop altogether (no stop block penalty). My jammer got through. I made a quick mental note to myself, that was effective.
All I want is to be effective. Reliably effective.
The very last jam I skated in, we were holding that jammer well. Someone looked at me when we lined up and said, she hits hard, be ready. So when the whistle blew, I shoved into her as she hit me. Hammer and nail. We held her for nearly a full lap, she was getting so tired. I almost felt bad for her. Then I heard my teammates panicking and shouting, panty pass! I had been looking over my left shoulder when I heard it, then I looked over my right and saw their pivot. I remember thinking, oh no they're not! And shoved their pivot out of bounds. It helped delay the panty pass. By the time they were able, the jam was over.
My husband came for the first game. Pity he only got to see me play like crap. He took some video, but it's nothing exciting. Except I looked good in my new shiny gold shorts. Damn good.
And the feels with this photo...that's my captain holding onto me, I knock the jammer down (she fell to the inside in the next moment, this is a video screen capture), but I don't go out of bounds. #teamwork
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