I dreamt last night about my former derby captain. She was horribly cruel to me earlier this year. She probably doesn't think so, in fact told me so, in a very cruel manner, in front of others who simply looked the other way. But I won't let anyone invalidate my feelings, especially her.
In my dream, I ran into her in some kind of cafeteria. She smiled at me and asked me to sit with her. She patted my back and said I deserved to feel proud of my time with the team and my skills. She didn't apologize. But it was like, she could be human to me despite what happened.
Do I think she'd be this way to me if I came to her in real life? Not even remotely. But as Cinderella says, a dream is a wish your heart makes. And this was my subconscious telling myself, with her voice and face, that I deserved to feel proud. I was a derby skater, I bouted. And nothing she said or did can take that away.
She sure tried. She and our coach left me off a short roster, saying they'd rather skate short than skate with me, but they sent the other team the roster with my name on it. So everyone from that team, skaters I knew, thought I was supposed to be skating, because duh, I was on the roster. Not to mention her "pep" talk. Let's just say, she has no business giving anyone a pep talk.
But I prefer the dream version of her.
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