Spinning my wheels

Learning is messy. Especially when it's something physical. You're working muscles you likely didn't think you had. Or muscles that don't particularly like to be worked. But the muscle *I* most need to work...is my suck muscle. Seriously. I need to be OK with sucking. And sucking a lot and for a long while. Even longer than the four years I've been at this derby thing. Or the year+ I've been at hooping.

I read an article about Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset. I tend to have a Fixed Mindset. I believe that people are born with certain tendencies toward talent. Notice how I didn't say born with outright talent. I get that even the talented need to practice. But I can't help thinking some people are a natural talent for some things while others just aren't. An extreme example: Contortionism. Seriously, you can't train for that shit. You can work to get better. But either you're super crazy flexible or you're not. No amount of stretching is gonna get you there if you're not naturally flexible.

And then I've seen people bad at advanced math, like really bad at it. And no amount of studying is gonna get them there.

You see my dilemma? I believe some people, no matter how hard they work, are just not going to be any good at something if they don't have a natural talent for it. Perhaps the talent is untapped, but it needs to be there, nontheless.

Here are some of my issues, from that article:

1. I'm afraid to fail or look silly. Thankfully, this is not a crippling fear. But it's there. The idea of bouting? Nope. Performing hoop in public? Nope. Think the movie Carrie: They're all gonna laugh at you! This scene? Nails it, what it's like to be inside my brain.
2. I believe people tend to have innate abilities. I do not, however, believe practice is therefore unnecessary. But I can't help thinking: if you don't have talent, practice won't help. Much. You might improve a little, but you're never going to be amazing.
3. I really don't cope with failure or mistakes well. I tend to shut down when I feel I've really messed up. My brain likes to constantly and at random remind me of all embarrassing moments. Like the time I dropped my colorguard flag in front of Cinderella's castle at Disney World in 1998. Do I remember that I never dropped a flag in a game? Not really, just generally. I don't have specific memories of any one particular game. But I remember dropping my flag on that stage in front of all those people. Often. And with dread.

The advice from the article: "So next time you find yourself avoiding a drill because you don’t want to fail, or getting mad at someone because they pointed out your mistake, try to change your mindset and remember that getting feedback is the only way you will grow."

umm, no offense, but that's kinda lame and vague. Maybe the incessant reminders I hear to get low mean I'm still not doing it yet maybe one day, it'll sink in, if I hear it often enough. I'd rather think that my derby potential has yet to be fully untapped. I haven't yet revealed whether I lack natural talent. I just need to keep trying. But then I think of all those skaters who, within a year of starting, have both passed assessments and bouted. Yet here I am, four years later, unable to pass and forget bouting. I just yet don't fully believe I'm truly talented at this sport. And I might be just spinning my wheels, pun intended.