stupid scale

Went to derby last night. Was the only rec skater, as expected. Burned a shitton of calories. Got on the scale this morning.

The stupid scale and its stupid numbers. I don't understand how I can be up 1.5 lbs when my tracking says I should be down that amount. I weigh and measure everything I eat, write it all down. I eat 3 servings of non-starchy veg about 5 days a week. I workout 5 days a week. I've even increased my steps to 10k/day this week, to improve NEAT. I just do not understand how I could not be losing weight. All these weeks of doing just this. Eating at a 500cal/day deficit. Carbs average 100g/day, so some days are higher, some days are lower. Protein averages 100g/day. I've been tested for insulin resistance and low thyroid. All apparently normal. I'm beside myself and don't know what more I can do.

It just drains all energy and motivation. I have no desire to hoop. Good thing derby doesn't come back around until next Tuesday. I'm sick of working so hard and doing everything right. My BMI says I'm obese. I know BMI can be an unreliable indicator of health but not at the obese levels. And I'm obese. Feels like I'll always be obese. I've always been obese.

I hate it.