Russian Climb

So...I still love/hate silks. I thought two weeks off would help. Class always starts off great, though. I really enjoy the strength stuff in the warmup. Climbs. Hipkeys. Ball flows. Straddle...not straddle. Straddle can eat shit and die. Footlocks from the air. All stuff that makes me feel amazingly strong.

I was too slow with my climbs last night, apparently. The teacher asked if I had finished. I still had one more each side. She asked if I minded moving on, acted like it was the best news ever, that no one would ever mind skipping out on climbs. I minded. I wanted to do them more. But I bit my lip. I didn't want to be a nuisance.

Then we moved onto poses. I hate every pose. I feel fat, ugly, awkward, clumsy...sometimes I'm in pain. Sometimes too much pain. I hate everything about every pose. Except standing lean. And you fucking learn that in your first fucking class. Well, letting go comes later. I like letting go. And maybe sail. Sail looks pretty, if I can keep my locked leg straight. But nothing else I've learned looks or feels good.

I wonder if I can email the teacher. Ask her if it's OK to just extend my warmup during class. When students are doing three hipkeys each side, maybe I'll do five. Or six. She wouldn't need to babysit me. These are all safe things, don't need guidance. I just want to feel strong.

I got video of russian climbs. Yes, I'm liking these more. I'm still split on whether I like them more than basic. It's a toss-up.

Hipkeys were terrible. I need to work on these more.

And I got video of footlock in the air. Well, sort of from the air. I'm standing on the ground. I eventually want to climb once, then try a footlock.

I also tried single footlock from the air. Mainly because the teacher wanted us to do sequencing. uhh, no. Can I just work on footlocks instead? She suggested single footlock from the air, since I'd never tried it before. This requires hanging by each fabric in each hand. I slip. I needed a wrist wrap for that. Maybe I can extend my warmup conditioning, straight arm hanging and lockoffs without wrist wraps.

So...by the end of the night, I weren't doing too good. Mentally. I have a motto...don't cry until you get to the car. I was emotional but held together. I was gathering my stuff, putting on my shoes, when a student I'd shared classes with many times arrived for the next class. She turns to me and says, we've never been properly introduced and held out her hand. I nearly lost it. Such a nice gesture from someone, nearly did me in. I hope I get a chance to take classes with her again.