knocked down

I get knocked down...yea, that was the last derby drill we did Saturday. Knee taps everytime they sang the word, down. I was spent. Mentally and physically.

Hooping is so hard now. I need a bigger hoop (chest height, ~48") but then I'm told a bigger hoop will sag. I cannot shoulder hoop without turning in a circle. Just cannot. And forget leg hooping. I have to spin it WAY too fast, it's so impractical and impossible. And what I CAN do requires such a hyooge hoop (40"), that I can't do any fun off body with it. Forget putting together choreo. I'm just over it.

Life is kicking my ass. But I keep getting up again.

It would be nice to have someone to relate to, someone on my level, either with derby, hooping, or fitness. I feel lonely, like the only one like this. I don't want to read inspirational blogs of people who've already lost weight. And I SURE as hell don't want to read about people who lost weight quickly. 100 pounds in a year? Yea, fuck off. I've been gaining and losing the same damn 5lbs for four years now. Don't talk to me about how suddenly the weight started falling off. I don't care how "hard" you thought it was...if you lost weight that quickly, I don't want to hear your story.

I want to know people like me. But I'm all alone. Maybe my weight will start dropping off, even if at a snail's pace, and I can make the blog I wanted. Since it doesn't appear to exist....

I have about 40lbs to lose. Maybe if I could lose the weight, derby would come easier, hooping would be easier. I dunno. At the very least, maybe I could stop hating myself.